So, my 30 days of clean eating are over and nary a crumb or drop of wheat, grain, dairy, soy, legume, alcohol, or added sugar crossed these lips the entire time. It was, by far, my most successful run of disciplined eating. And I lost 10 lbs.
But then I went back to "real" eating. For the first few days, I felt scared of anything that wasn't Whole 30-approved. Like, eating a grain of quinoa was going to wreak havoc. So I kept up the regimen. Then I had some wine and remembered how much I loooooove wine. So, I decided to rejoin Weight Watchers (guys, Oprah eats bread on Weight Watchers EVERY DAY). But, then I quit Weight Watchers. Then I tried eating Whole 30-approved foods while also recording everything on My Fitness Pal, which then turned into: Eating Whole 30-approved foods but adding back just grains and beans. Then I convinced myself that I should just work out daily to keep the weight off while eating everything in moderation. And then I had a meltdown and ate an entire chocolate babka. Bear in mind that my Whole 30 ended just two short weeks ago. That's a lot of dieting in 14 days. And a lot of babka.
During the Whole 30 I abstained from some of my FAVORITE things without much difficulty and really did feel great. I mentioned in an earlier post that one upside to the plan's rigidity was that I stopped obsessing about my food choices. Welp, that came back full force once I didn't have to follow the Whole 30 rules. I also feel much more obsessed with weight loss than I did before and more discouraged about my ability to stick to a regimen even though I JUST DID IT.
Also, this article came out.
There is hella conflicting information about health and nutrition out there, which I already knew, but is maddening nonetheless. Do I worry more about the content of my food or the volume? Is exercise or eating more central to wellness and weight loss? If I do manage to lose weight, am I one of the teeny percentage of people who can actually keep it off? So, I've been toying with the radical notion of just stopping. Just shutting down the voice in my head that says my worth is inversely proportional to my size. Or that my worth is bound to how I look at all. Or that there's something wrong with how I look. Or that "healthy" has a rigid and universal definition. And just when I think I'm good with that, I feel a clenching in my chest imagining the weigh-in at my next doctor's appointment...
No matter how frustrated with food I might feel, this Caesar dressing is Whole 30, delicious, and will remain in the repertoire.
Kale Caesar salad
2 Tbsp Primal Kitchen avocado mayonnaise
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1 Tbsp Dijon mustard
2-3 anchovy filets (look for ones packed in olive oil)
2 cloves garlic (medium)
3-4 dashes Cholula hot sauce
¼ cup olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
6 cups raw kale
Combine first six ingredients in a food processor and pulse to chop. Set the food processor to puree and slowly add olive oil in a stream. Add salt and pepper to taste and puree until all ingredients are combined. Remove tough stems from kale, clean, and chop. Toss dressing and greens together and serve.